One Year!

 

 

So today marks the one year anniversary of Tayton's accident.  I am really nervous today and almost didn't let Tayton go to school today or all week.  But I have now decided that I am going to let this go and start enjoying life again and keep moving forward.  Looking thorough all these pictures brings back so many emotions for me. 

 I can't believe this is what our lives were a year ago.  Getting him on the air-med helicopter.  I still can't believe I honestly thought I would just take him to the Brigham hospital and they would put some burn cream on him and we would go home. 

 When we finally arrived at the burn unit and got to see Tayton that night this is how he looked.  The swelling began.  I thought they had the wrong kid because it didn't look anything like him.

 His poor arms.  So much dead tissue.

 Other arm.

 So many medications just to keep him alive and this was only about half of them.

 I think at this point the reality was setting in that it was serious and he wasn't going to recover quickly.  The hardest part for me was trying to picture my life without him in it.  I couldn't have handled that.  I need my son.  So glad it wasn't worse. 

 I look back at these pictures and wonder how in the hell did we ever go through this.  My mind sometimes numbs it out because it really was the hardest thing I have ever seen to watch my son suffer and almost die.  I still try to process everything but it is too overwhelming and I will never understand "why" but now I am starting to see some amazing things that have come from it.
This was one of the worst days.  Look at how much fluid he had.  This was when the doctor was telling me his heart was having problems, his liver and his kidneys were shutting down, I was a wreck.  I'm not sharing these pictures because I want you to feel bad for us, or anything like that.  I am sharing these pictures because it shows how many miracles we have had this past year.  It shows how far this little boy has come from what he has gone through.  It is amazing that a year ago today he was like that and today he is so happy and full of life.  Here are some of my favorite things about the past year.

This is when we hiked up to waterfall canyon this spring.  It was in spring and it was so amazing to me to see him hike.  When we first brought him home from the hospital he couldn't even walk up the stairs without stopping because he couldn't breathe, and then a few months later to be able to go on a hike was a huge miracle.

The first couple of months when we came home Tayton was having a hard time emotionally.  This boy loves to draw and be creative and that entire side of him was gone.  He wouldn't laugh, he didn't smile, he wouldn't talk about anything from the accident.  Every night before bed I make the kids tell me three things, they say I'm special, I'm important, and my family loves me this much and I tickle them.  He would not say that for about three months.  I remember it all started to change during the Biggest Aggie fan competition.  I know it sounds silly that a little photo contest could help but something about that just made that boy smile.  He started drawing pictures again, he was dancing every time he got more votes.  The laughter and smiles came back, and I will never forget that first time when he said I'm special, I'm important, and my family loves me this much.  I cried my eyes out because I was so happy.  That photo contest was a huge miracle to me because it brought him emotionally back to life.  It didn't matter that we won anything (even though the football games are so much fun) what mattered to me is that my son healing from such a traumatic accident.

In fall he started flag football.  This is his favorite sport.  He was lucky to get the same coach again and he knew everything that was going on.  Tayton just felt like a kid again being able to play.  He mostly did a lot of blocking because he can't really run but he was beyond thrilled to be able to play.  Huge miracle for me to watch him play because I didn't know that sports would ever be an option again.

Same thing with wrestling.  Last year he was an amazing wrestler.  This year I knew he wasn't going to be anywhere like where he was last year.  It was hard to go to his first wrestling tournament.  He was so frustrated because his weak body couldn't do what he wanted it to do.  There were a lot of tears and he came in dead last, but just the fact that he is out on the mat was a huge miracle.  He did so much better at his second tournament.  Still weak it the body but he has the strongest heart.  He was more aggressive and I think he worked so much harder because that strong spirit in him wants to get back.  I don't know what the future holds, I don't know how his airway will be in a few years, I don't know if he will ever be a champion wrestler or an amazing football player, but that doesn't even matter.  He is so amazing and he is a champion!

All of this progress did not come without a lot of hard work.  So if there are 365 days in a year, that means I have done at least 361 wound cares, (he went to burn camp for four days and they did it there) which is treating all of his open sores on his arms, putting on lotion, burn gloves, and other medications on his arms.  He has done over 1000 physical therapy sessions.  They are easier now, but at the beginning it was so painful for him.  7 surgeries with another one coming December 10th, and I am just guessing but I think over 50 doctor appointments.  He has had over a million dollars in medical bills.  Now I can actually say my kid is worth a million bucks. My son is amazing and I am so proud of how far he has come this past year.

I will never say I was grateful he got burned.  I would never wish it upon my worst enemy to go through something like that.  But what I am grateful for is the blessing we have received from going through this.  I have met so many amazing people that I wouldn't have been able to meet.  I have grown so much, I would have never been able to look at things like I do now without going through that.  I feel like I am more sympathetic then I was before, every sad story that comes on the news just breaks my heart.  I want to help them, I feel so awful for them and what they have to go through.  Before I would just think, oh that's sad and move on with my day.  I am a better mom, I cherish my children.  I don't sweat the small stuff, if my house doesn't get cleaned because I wanted to hug and kiss my baby a little bit longer it is ok.

Last year in the hospital I was so mad at myself.  I kept saying, I wish I would have spent more time with him, I wish I would have played more games with him, read him more stories, taken him to the park more.  Nothing else in the world mattered.  I would have given all of my possessions, everything I had if it meant keeping him here.  I am grateful I get a second chance with him and I want to be better.  I want to spend more quality time with my children.  I still have a long way to go but I feel like I am improving and I want to be a little better every day.   

So today, instead of crying and being depressed, we are choosing to celebrate.  I still have my son and my daughters and a wonderful husband.  What else in life matters?  They are my miracles.  I asked Tayton what he wanted to do and he said have a family game night with a pizza party.  I couldn't have picked anything better to do.  So every year on the 15th of November (and hopefully more days then just that)  I am going to remember the important things of life and try to not get stressed over small things that don't matter.  All that matters is being together and enjoying life.  Can't imagine what my life would be like without these little miracles, I love them so much.  Thanks to everyone for all the support you have given to me and my sweet family.  I know I wouldn't have been able to make it through all this without your help.  Thanks again.