Some days are harder then others

So yesterday was a lot of doctor appointments and I'm not going to lie, it was rough.  We first started with physical therapy at the burn center.  They were pretty busy just making Tayton new splints to sleep in at night because he destroyed all of his other ones.  The thumbs were falling off, they were cracked everywhere.  It was time for some new ones.  He can bend his fingers and wrists better now then he ever has been able to since his accident, but he still has a hard time doing some simple things such as, opening a door, buttoning up his pants and things like that.  He has absolutely no grip strength but hopefully over time he can get some of that back.

So after two hours at physical therapy, it was time to see the burn doctor for his clinic appointment.  She told me that Tayton needs another surgery which we all ready talked about, but this time she explained exactly what would happen.  First they cut off his scar tissue, then they put "integra" a plastic like substance to help with scars.  Then they have to let that heal for 10 days then they will do another surgery and have to do skin grafts over the integra.  I'm not going to lie, I cried a lot.  I am still crying.  I feel like we have come so far in a year, but now we are going back to do more skin grafts and it is like starting this entire process over again.  His first skin graft surgery I didn't know what to expect, but now I know and I don't know how to get through this.

How do I explain to Tayton we have to start over again?  How do I tell him he will need two more surgeries when he has all ready had 7 in a year.  This is heartbreaking to me.  I can't do the painful physical therapy all over again, I can't see him cry like that any more.  It's just too overwhelming to think about and it will take me a while to process everything.  But really the only choice I have is to do it.  I have to be strong for Tayton.  There is no other option.  Somehow I just need to find that extra strength because I have to be strong for him.  I just don't know where that is going to come from.  This has been the hardest year of my life and it is never ending.  How much can one little boy take?

Then after that fun visit we headed to his ENT.  His doctor said he needs to be there for the surgeries to protect his airway so we are trying to see if they will do another airway surgery at the same time.  The problem is at the U of U they don't have child sizes for Tayton so we are going to see if the burn doctors will  operate at Primary Childrens.  It is a long shot but if that means one less surgery for Tayton, I am all for it.
Dr. Smith does think his airway has improved so much so at least we had some much needed positive news.  He still has a long way to go before his airway is stable but he is improving.

So that was our fun day yesterday.  Like I said earlier, just give me a few days to process all of this, and then I should be better.  Just avoid me for a few days because I am pretty down right now.  But we did have the best vacation ever so I will post about that when I can find a minute.  It was so much fun and I need to keep looking at the positive.  Also our house is coming along, I didn't realize how much work it was going to be.  My parents have helped a ton and my in-laws have been a huge help with watching my  kids.  I couldn't do this without them.  We still have to tile and carpet then we can move in.  It will be nice to be in our own place again and I am getting so excited to have a place that it ours!