Monday, December 10, 2012
Hi to Lo's
We went from hi of hi's today to the low of lows. I thought I would be so excited for this day to come. I thought when they took out the ventilator things would just go great and he would love having it out. I thought his breathing would just be so easy and natural. Well they took out his ventilator today around 4:00 p.m. He struggled and struggled. Every breath was a challenge for him. We had respiratory therapy come in and did some breathing treatments and he did ok for a little while after that. Then he went downhill pretty fast and after three hours of being off the ventilator, the had to put him back on. It was so hard to see my son struggle to breathe for every breath he took. His lungs just aren't strong enough to handle breathing on his own. He is doing good right now, the ventilator is helping him breath great again. Our doctor and everyone else thought he was ready, but he is still to sick. So I'm not sure where to go from here. They said it will at least be another week until anything will change. I think it will take at least a week for me to recover from the stress of taking him off the ventilator. I don't know where I am going to get the strength to keep going, but I have no other option. I have to be strong for him. I'm trying my best but this is the hardest thing in the world. I wish I could trade places with him. I have always heard that God doesn't give you more then you can handle, but I don't believe that anymore. He has given me so much more then I could handle, but I just don't have a choice but to deal with it. I love my little guy so much, and I am so lucky to be his mother. He just wasn't ready for the next step. We will just have to be patient. Thanks again for all the prayers and support. I love you Tayton, thanks for trying your best. I love you most!
mom
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7 comments:
Kali,
I know how you feel. When our granddaughter was born this summer, she spent 3 weeks in the NICU.They told us that it would be like taking one step forward and 2 steps backwards for a while. We had really rough days, and then we would have a good day and get excited only to get our hopes dashed with another rough day.It is an emotional roller coaster. Have faith. Heavenly Father is in control! Tayton,you and your family are in my prayers daily- many people are praying for him.Even though I don't know you, I love you and know what you are going through..there will be brighter days ahead :)
Kali - our harts are breaking for you and the pain of watching Tayton struggle. I know with the strength of all of us out here praying for you and Tayton and your family you will get through this. Rest on our shoulders for a bit and you will be strong again. You have just been taxed but your faith and love will come through. We keep you in our thoughts and prayers every minute of every day.
We are so proud of you and of Tayton! We were jumping up and down reading previous posts! SO happy to hear you can communicate with him again.
I cant even begin to imagine what you are going through. I read this to my husband every night and am in tears at some point each time.
You are such an inspiration and he is a lucky little boy to have you for his mom.
We will continue to include your family in our prayers. Thank you for keeping us updated.
Kali
I have had those same thoughts that we aren't given more than we can handle but there are times that I think that I have more than I can handle. Heavenly Father loves you, He is aware of you and your sweet son, and he will help and carry you through this. You are stronger than you think. You are in my prayers. I read a quote by I think Joseph Smith. It said if we knew how much our trials did for us we would beg for more. I can't imagine wanting more but I know I have grown from my trials. I have a quote in my living room that says, "Today's test is tomorrow's testimony." Hang in there.
So sorry Kali. Remember that you CAN do the hard things...You are a strong woman and a great mother. Keep your faith strong and know that you are an amazing woman!
Oh, Honey! Hang in there!! We are keeping you in our constant prayers!!
Kali and Levi- I'm sorry you are struggling through this. It is one of the toughest challenges anyone I know is currently facing. I do have some words of encouragement for you guys. My job is to see people in the hospital. While I am not a general surgeon, I do perform skin grafts and I see people every day in the Intensive Care Unit on ventilators, T-piece, pressure support, with chest tubes, and every other imaginable contraption. Tayton will get through this. Most patients I see who are on a ventilator for as long as Tayton need a few "practice" sessions with weaning of the pressures and ventilator settings before things come out for good. In other words, I am not surprised that he needed the ventilator again- BUT he will eventually come off. He made it through the dangerous part, and he will make it through this, this is just part of the process. Just know that this is normal- and it may happen again- but eventually that ventilator will go away- and eventually he will return to being a little boy- now its just a matter of time.
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