She's here!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while but I've been a little busy cuddling this cute lil girl!

 Blakeli Rose Winward was born on April 11th, at 4:49 p.m..  She weighed in at a whopping 6lbs 12oz, and was 19 inches long.  She was the smallest of all three of my kiddos.  She has grown a lot in the past two weeks and she now weighs 7lbs 6oz, and is 21 inches.  She is the sweetest baby there is and I am so in love with her.

Tanna is such a great big sister.  She loves little miss Blakeli so much and always wants to hold her and is always kissing her.  I'm trying to have Tanna not kiss Blakeli when she is sleeping but it isn't working that well.  She just wants to kiss her all day long, it's pretty cute.  Not the best picture of Tayton, but he loves her so much and you can tell she loves him back.  She has a big smile whenever he holds her and Tayton even puts her to sleep for me.  He is a huge help and it is fun to see them together.  I thank my Heavenly Father every day for these three miracles that he has given me.  I cherish every moment I can with them.

 She makes some of the cutest faces and she also has some pretty serious ones.  She is such an easy baby and is exactly what I needed.

 Here is our first family photo, and below is me walking in to the Brigham City Hospital.  It took a lot for me to put these beautiful photos of me up here.  But this is my own little journal and I love reading our old posts and I want to remember this day.

I don't know why a lot of people complain about the Brigham City Hospital.  I loved having Blakeli there.  They took such good care of me and everyone was amazing.  I would recommend having a baby here any day.  It was so nice to actually have a positive experience at a hospital for a change.  I was so nervous when I was going in to have Blakeli.  I was even in tears talking to the nurse when I went in.  I was just so scared something bad would happen and Blakeli would end up in the NICU, and emotionally I couldn't have handled that.  The nurse and my doctor calmed me down and everything went perfect.  And even all the other times we have gone to the ER the staff there has always been amazing and taken such good care of us. So thank you to everyone in the Brigham Hospital who has helped our family.  

 This little guy is doing great.  I took him back to school and this is a picture from his first day coming home.  He was asleep within 2 minutes of leaving the school.  He loves being back in school and he is so much happier.  (I don't think he liked his homeschooling teacher as much as he likes his current teacher, she might have more patience then me.)  He did get a slight cold from school and has had to miss a few days because he breathing is rough and he had to go back on steroids to help.  It's a hard balance to find.  Physically I feel like I need to keep him home so he doesn't get sick, but emotionally he does so much better getting back to his routine.  His next surgery is coming up on May 10th so hopefully that will help even more with his airway.  And guess who's birthday it is on Saturday, yep it's Tayton's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  We are so excited to celebrate his birthday and we have some amazing things planned.  You will have to wait until my next post to see what we do.  But it is going to be such a special day and I can't wait to celebrate.

Todd Morrison Alumni Tournament!

We had such a fun weekend and it was so nice to get out of the house and just enjoy life.  This weekend was the 20th Todd Morrison Alumni Tournament.  Every year they pick a child who has had a life threatening accident or illness and they donate the money raised to help out the family.  This year we were the recipients, I never wanted to be on this side of it but we are so grateful for all the support we have.  We were able to meet so many wonderful people and it was fun to go back to our high school and see a lot of familiar faces.  Tayton loved watching the basketball games but his favorite thing was a surprise visit from his best buddy!

Big Blue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They had Tayton turn around and Big Blue was headed towards him.  Tayton just ran and jumped in his arms, it was so sweet.  I couldn't see the look on his face because I was behind him but everyone said it was priceless.  We love Big Blue so much and can't believe he came to visit Tayton again.  It was so much fun.  I am so thankful for all the new friends that we made at the tournament.  I hope we can help them out for future tournaments and help pay it forward.

Two years ago the tournament was for my new friend Tessie and her sweet boy Dakota.  She is such an amazing person and has helped me so much through this.  I found her blog from the tournament two years before and have always followed her blog but I never commented because I never really knew what to say.  But so many times when we were in the hospital I thought of her and her struggles and how she always had a positive attitude.  I would read her blog in the hospital and it helped me so many times just to make it through the day.  I am so glad I got to meet her and her sweet family.



Monday we had two doctor apts.  The first was at the burn unit and we got really great news.  They said Taytons burns are looking great and as long as we keep up on our physical therapy they won't need to see him for a couple of months.  We need to order some more burn gloves and things like that but they said we could just do that over the phone.  Tayton was really excited that his burns were healing.  Then we had to go into the burn center and say hi to some of our favorite people!  It is amazing the friendships that you make.  I have loved every nurse and doctor in the burn unit.  They are all such amazing people and we love to see them whenever we get the chance!

Then after the burn unit we headed over to Primary Childrens.  Tayton had his post op check-up with the ENT.  He said the swelling in his airway had gone down and he thinks his airway is stable enough that we can take him out of the house.  He is still planning to do the same operation in May but that should open his airway even more.  Then after surgery in May he doesn't want to operate at all during the entire summer.  He said we will give him a break.  He also said sometimes when you do to much it can cause more scarring and other problems so we will see where he is at in fall, but that was great news to hear that we get to enjoy our summer with no surgeries!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm still a bit nervous to take him out a ton because it is weird going from one extreme to another.  Plus we are going to have our baby in 8 days and I don't want to take her out all the time, but we were all going a little crazy being cooped up so we can't wait for picnics in the park, going to see a movie, or just having some friends come over and play.

Tayton wanted to go back to school so yesterday so we went in the afternoon for a couple of hours.  We had to hurry and run to the store Monday night to find him a backpack because the one he had earlier all the straps were burned and he didn't want to use it.  I didn't blame him so we went and found him a new backpack.  He said he wanted me to stay with him at school so I did for about two hours then I had to run to Walmart to pick up a prescription and he said it was fine if I left.  I was so nervous to leave him, it felt like dropping him off at school for the first time ever, but I did it and I didn't cry!  I was so proud of myself.  I am struggling with letting this boy out of my sight.  We just came so close to loosing him and he is everything to me.  Hopefully with time I can let him be more independent again.  He said his favorite part was seeing his friends again.  I know school is going to help him so much but I am not sure if he is up to going all day.  We still have to do physical therapy a lot and he can't go that long in-between so I am not sure what to do.  I am thinking about just stopping in at lunch time and doing a quick session of physical therapy and then making sure he gets a really good session before and after school.  Not sure how that will work with a new baby but we will figure it out.

I heard him talking to some kids in his class and they wanted to see his burns.  He showed them a tiny bit and I was so impressed.  Tayton hates talking about the fire and he said he didn't want anyone to see his burns.  The kids were great and said the burns looked like they hurt.  Then they were asking why he had to wear his gloves and wrist brace and he just answered them like it was no big deal.  Before people would ask him things and he would just get mad and shut down and not say a word.     So that was a huge step for him and I am so proud of him!

Well hopefully my next post is about our new baby girl.  I am so excited and nervous all at the same time.  I know she is just what our family needs.  I can't wait to hold my little Blakeli in 8 days!  (Also I can't wait for the swelling in my feet and hands to go away and to sleep on my stomach again.)  Overall this has been the easiest pregnancy despite everything else that has been going on, so I shouldn't complain.  The kids are getting really excited to see her but have no desire to help change dirty diapers.  It is funny to see their reactions.    

Surgery #4 and #5

We got to come home yesterday from Primary Childrens.  I will try my best to explain how things went.  We took Tayton on Friday morning for his 4th surgery 4 months exactly after the fire accident.  He was in pretty good spirits when we went in because he got a new lego set and I told him he could put it together after surgery.  We sat in the room and played some video games before surgery.  For the first time I didn't cry, I was so excited for this surgery and I thought it was going to be a magic fix and he would be so much better after the surgery.  We got a call from the OR saying everything went phenominal.  I was so excited, I felt such a relief that this was going to help us get back to a normal life.  Then the doctor came in the waiting room and took us back to the consultation room.  Then he told me Tayton was still on the dreaded ventilator and my hopes were crushed.  I don't remember a lot of what he told me after because a flood of horrible emotions came rushing back.  All I remember really is the removed some scar tissue but he was having lots of swelling issues.  So then the doctor said Tayton was in the ICU and we could see him in a little while.  We sat back down and I just cried.  After waiting and waiting I asked the receptionist how much longer it would be until we could see Tayton.  She called the nurses in his room and they were having a hard time keeping him sedated on the medication.  (That was really no surprise to me because of all the previous issues we have had before with my super hero son.)  I explained to the nurse about my son being a super hero with medicine and he chews through it like you couldn't imagine so she let us come back.  Here is our little guy on Friday back on the ventilator.

 The doctor had told me this could happen but I thought for sure there is no way that it could happen again.  He looks much better this time on the ventilator then he did before.  It was really hard for me, I just kept re-living everything that happened at the burn unit.  I just thought that after 4 months after the accident we had come so far and now we were back to square one again on the ventilator.  There was amazing staff there at Primary Children's and they were really optimistic and were able to help me through it.  They ended up putting him on the paralyzing medicine again to keep him from moving and damaging his throat even more.  He stayed calm for the most part but did have his crazy thrashing moments every now and then.

Saturday they were going to try to take him off the ventilator early in the morning but there were so many "code blues" going off in the PICU that the doctors were just way to busy.  They apologized to us but I didn't care at all.  My son was stable and it was ok for him to stay on the ventilator for a couple of extra hours if it meant that other children were getting the help they needed.  Our doctor came in and decided he wanted to take Tayton back to the OR for his 5th surgery.  He thought it would be safer there in case they removed the ventilator and he needed it back in.  This time in surgery he dilated his airway and Tayton was strong enough to be taken off the ventilator.

I gave the doctor a big hug when he said he was able to get off and I think I freaked the doctor out because he is not a hug type of doctor.  I think our doctor is amazing at what he does but his social skill aren't my favorite.  He also said Taytons airway is about the size of a 1-2 year old child.  There is scar tissue all over which has made it so narrow.  We are going to have to wait and see how well the surgeries worked because there was still a lot of swelling in his airway from the procedures and it can take a few weeks for the swelling to go down.  He is going to do another dilation on his airway May 10th and hopefully that will open his airway a little more.  Our doctor said it will never get back to a normal 7 yr old airway, but he is hoping for maybe a 4-5 yr old airway.  If these surgeries don't work there is another crazy surgery that we could do but it is really complicated and scares me a ton, and I hope we don't have to go that route.After the surgery we went back to the ICU and Tayton was doing ok.  All he wanted to do was open his new box of legos.  It made me so happy to see him wanting legos.  He couldn't talk but he sure made it known what he wanted.

Soon he was off his oxygen and doing much better.  He isn't supposed to talk for a week but he still does.  His voice is really hoarse but I am pretty sure it will get better over the next few weeks.

 Saturday night his oxygen levels got pretty low again so we had to put him back on oxygen.  They brought him some fun things to do.  He still has MRSA (staff infection) so he isn't allowed to go to the toy room or do a lot of the fun things they offer there but they still did a lot to make our stay as best as it could be.

 By Sunday he was done.  He started shutting down and didn't want to do anything.  He seemed sad all the time, didn't want to do music therapy, physical therapy, or even eat.  He kind of sat there staring at the wall in shut down mode.  That is when I knew it was time to go home.  I made it clear to the doctors that we needed to leave soon.  We all agreed to stay one more night to make sure he was safe but they all thought he would do so much better at home.  Here is his done face.

 Before we could leave physical therapy wanted to see him.  So on Monday we went to the PT gym.  He didn't really cooperate but he did find the bike somewhat fun.  I was so glad we went down to the gym, there were so many other children there that have it so much harder then we do.  Three kids there weren't able to walk at all.  It made me appreciate what we have.  Even though we are going through this crazy trial and it is the hardest thing I have ever done, there are so many children at that hospital that are going through harder things.  Tayton will definitely have a lifetime of problems from this accident but he can still have an amazing life.  He is such a strong kid and has made it through more things in the past four months than most people can handle in their lifetime.  This may just set us back a while but he is such an amazing kid and is going to do some amazing things with his life.  I am so glad I get to witness it.  I am so proud every day to be my kids mom.  My children mean the world to me and it hurts to see him go through all this and I wish I could just take it all away from him.  But he is so strong and will make it through this.  I love my super hero son!

 So basically now we are on lock-down again.  He can't get sick or it will cause major issues with such a small airway.  I am praying this next surgery in May gives him a large enough airway that he can do normal things, like walk up the stairs without huffing and puffing.  Go to the park and play, run around, and just do fun kid stuff.  He is doing better at home now but still has his shut-down moments.  He is back on crazy steroids so he gets pretty mad at the smallest things.  But overall he is doing ok and I think in a few days he will be a lot happier.  Thanks for reading and if you think I am a little nutty (which I am) just remember I am 37 weeks pregnant.  I am trying my best to stay positive for my beautiful boy.

Biggest Aggie Fan!

He won!  Tayton was so excited to win the Lil Aggie Photo Contest!!!!!!!!!!!  Here is a picture of his face when I told him that he won! 

  I tried to record a victory dance but every time I get out the recorder he shuts down and gets mad.  Here is a little video I took on my phone, sorry not the best quuality.  He is on steroids so he gets a bit mad at the end but I think it is pretty funny.  I love his voice when he is talking, you can tell how excited he is.  Tayton got to choose between $400.00 to the USU bookstore, or season basketball or football tickets.  He wanted season football tickets.  It was amazing on the timing because right when they called to tell us about the prize, we had just finished up physical therapy and doctors apt. at the Burn Unit.  Dr. Morris, the chief at the burn unit, told us he has seen patients need as many as 20 different surgeries to fix their airways and we have a really long road ahead of us.  Me and Tayton were pretty down and we were headed to our next apt at Primary Childrens when we got the call.  Tayton was so happy and it was so neat that he has something to look forward to besides surgery.  So thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who voted for him.  It cheered all of us up.  I never thought that putting a picture on a facebook contest could make such a difference.  The support this little guy has is amazing.

Here is a picture of his victory dance!

Here is proof he has been an Aggie Fan for a long time.  This is Tayton when he was 2-3 months old with one of his best buddies Big Blue!

 Right now the biggest issues with Tayton is his breathing, physical therapy, and sleeping.  Every night is a fight for him to go to bed.  He wants to sleep in our room and this is how this little boy sleeps.  He takes up the entire bed and he is constantly hitting me with his splints.  They hurt.  His room is right next to ours.  We tried having him sleep on our floor, but he always climbs up in bed with us when we are asleep.  So then we tried him in Tannas room but same thing he comes in 4-5 times a night.  I asked him why he wants to sleep right next to me and he says because I just love you so much mom and I feel safe by you.  How do you not just want to grab your little guy and hold him all night long after he says something like that.   I know I am a lot of the problem, but he just has been through so much that I want to give him whatever he wants.  Plus I am also scared of his breathing so I want to be able to hear him.  We are a fine pair between the two of us.  I am just torn between what to do, part of me knows it would help him phycologically if his can start sleeping in his own room, but the softy in me wants to just shelter him forever and keep him glued to my leg.

I am hoping his surgery next Friday will help so much with his breathing that maybe I can calm down and feel comfortable and not worry so much about him when he sleeps.  Then he might feel better if I do.  So his surgery of Friday they are going to laser off the portions of his vocal chords that are blocking his airway and I guess scar tissue will grow back and that is why he will have so many surgeries.  It will be a lot of the same thing, just removing scar tissue and vocal chords.  Dr. Morris said that a lot of patients with inhalation burns end up on a permanent tracheotomy, but he doesn't think Tayton will need that as long as these surgeries work.  He said Dr. Smith at Primary Childrens is one amazing doctor and we are in really great hands.  He also said if we don't do this surgery eventually his scars and vocal chords will block his airway completly, so we can either do it now, or wait until it becomes critical and then do it.  So I think it is a good thing we are doing it now.  Well that is our Tayton update and I will let you all know how his surgery is next week.  This week I just plan on recording his voice as much as I can.


Last night I had such a great night with my little Tanna.  I took her to Disney on Ice.  She had a blast.  I didn't tell her where we were going, but I had her in dress up in her princess dress.  We hopped in the van and I told her "Tanna buckle up please, " and she said "Mom, don't you mean beautiful princess Tanna,"  it was so cute.  She did look so beautiful.  Tayton got to stay home with dad, and he decided for their time together he wanted tacos and to play Indiana Jones on the Will.  So everyone had a fun time last night.  Here are a few pictures from our date night.

 I decided to take her on the front-runner instead of driving, so here she is so excited for the train to leave.

 Waiting for the show to start and yep she was to cute, I couldn't say no to her when she wanted one over-priced snow cone.

















Mom and Tanna after the show.  She loved it and was singing along to all the songs.  It was so fun to spend some time with her.  I feel like she has been pretty neglected by me, because most of my time is with Tayton doing therapy, school, or other things.  And I know with baby Blakeli coming soon that the time I do spend with her will even get shorter, but I wanted her to know that she is one special little girl and that her mommy still loves her and is so proud of her for being such a good helper with everything going on.  I know I need to make more time for her.  So we are going to have a date night every month.  Me and Levi will switch off between each kid.  I can't promise Disney on Ice every time though.

Fun times together!

Sorry it has been a while since the last post, I won't even pretend like I have an excuse. Tayton has been trying to win the Biggest Aggie fan and he is getting pretty close. He loves getting votes and he makes me check my facebook at least 5 times a day. He just wants to win the title so bad so if you can go on facebook, like the website and go vote for him! You vote by clicking on all 5 stars. You can vote once a day!! l.inkto.it

 Things have been going good for the most part. Tayton recovered well from his last surgery and is gearing up for his next surgery which is on March 15th. This next surgery should be a fun one. So basically his vocal cords got damaged from being on the ventilator that long. There is a lot of scar tissue and that caused his vocal cords to get stuck which is blocking his airway. There is nothing they can do to really get the vocal cords moving again, so what they have to do is laser off the portions of his vocal cords that are blocking the airway. The problem with that is he will lose a lot of his voice. He will still be able to talk but it will sound like a whisper the rest of his life. It was heartbreaking to me at first but looking at it now I am grateful that the problem is fixable and he should be able to breathe a lot better. The doctor said it isn't a one time surgery that will fix this but a marathon of surgeries for at least the next six months. They are starting with this procedure and they will see how it goes and go from there. I'm hoping it all works the first time but it sounds like they will have to keep removing scar tissue for a while. He has to be put back on the ventilator during the surgery but the doctor is hoping they can remove it by the end of surgery. He will be in the PICU at Primary Childrens for at least 24hrs after surgery. Then hopefully he will only have to stay at the hospital a couple of days after that. Our social worker from the burn unit says in the 20 years she has worked there she hasn't even seen this happen. The specialist says the last time he did this surgery was 6 months ago and it happens but it isn't common. It is pretty rare that they don't even have the laser they need at the hospital and they have to rent it. What can I say except I knew my kid was special!

I tried to explain it to Tayton the best I could and he wasn't too happy about loosing his voice but he seems to be dealing with it a lot better. On Sunday for church at home time we watched the Joseph Smith Story. When the prophet was seven he had leg surgery. Tayton was almost in tears watching it because he couldn't imagine being awake during the surgery. Tayton said he was so happy he got to sleep during his. Then we watched President Spencer W. Kimball bear his testimony. Spencer W. Kimball also had vocal cord surgery so he talked really quiet. Tayton thought it was neat that he could relate to these prophets and didn't seem to scared after that. He even thought President Kimball sounded neat and he thinks it might be fun to talk like Yoda. I have been busy trying to record him as much as possible and I had a little break-down at Hallmark the other day. I went in to buy one of those recordable story books. The woman asked me what kind of book I was looking for and I started crying. Poor lady must think I'm crazy, or hopefully my huge belly might explain things. There are a lot worse things that can happen besides loosing your voice, I am just grateful he is still here and I get to hug and kiss him every night. I remember praying to Heavenly Father and saying I don't care what happens or how long it takes, I just need him here. So even though we still have hard times ahead, I am so happy Heavenly Father answered my prayer and that I still have my sweet boy with me.-----

 On a happier note, on the 16th I celebrated my 31st birthday. I remember thinking 30 was so old and now I'm passed that, but I don't feel old at all. We had a great time on my birthday. We just stayed home because I'm still worried about getting Tayton sick, but staying home was so fun. I decided I wanted a Fiesta for my birthday. We ordered a yummy take-out dinner from Bellas, a local Mexican restaurant. We had horchata and I got a Pina Colada drink. I tried to find some Fiesta decorations but the only thing I found was Dora the Explorer plates and napkins. I thought she speaks Spanish so it fits right. Yep I turned 31 and had Dora the Explorer decorations. And what is a Fiesta without a little Pin the Tail on the Donkey. We all had so much fun playing and the kids now say they want to have a Fiesta for their birthday. Such great memories. Here are a few pictures. The winner of round 1 is Tayton. Tayton helping spin his dad around. Tannas turn, she was the winner of round 2! The birthday girl or her hubby never won the round, maybe next time. Oh and my sweet husband got Tanna some flowers for Valentines Day. He asked Tanna to be his Valentine. I had all ready been asked by my little guy to be his Valentine so I was taken. The kids both got Valentines from school and they were so excited. It was a pretty good day. As you can see she was pretty happy about getting some flowers! She loved smelling them!I swear my blog might be haunted. Now it lets me put spacing between paragraphs and I didn't do anything different from the last posts.  But the pictures are alligning up funky. One day I will be smart like my 7 and 4 year old and figure out electronics, in the mean time just hang in there with me. Thanks for listening.